White Flag

I feel very defeated right now. The middle-sized chickens apparently went on the warpath this morning and killed all but one goose and four ducks. One duck is in serious condition.

I was really attached to the geese, in particular, and, on top of the challenges we've been having with the homestead lately this feels like more than I can bear. I care deeply about each and every animal we have here, so losing them is devestating. Especially in such a stupid, pointless, meaningless way!

I'm sure that one of the factors in this devestated feeling is that the horrible muscle and joint pain I had during my pregnancy with Noah has returned. Nothing helps and I ache all the time.

I just feel... ready to run up the white flag. If it weren't for not wanting to teach Kevin that you quit when things get hard I honestly think I would sell up all of the animals and just give up on my dream. 

This isn't a dream, it's a nightmare.