Thinking...

... I probably should not have gotten a new battery for my scale. I was happier without it...


...Being a Mom to two boys is the best thing in the Universe...


...It's hard to realize that I don't have a baby anymore and that I'm not going to have one any time soon...

...I don't know if I should beat my SIL to death for giving me the first book in a series or die in gratitude... both alternatives seem rather grisly....

...I should probably get off the computer and tell Sunny that not everything falls under the category "mine"....

... My mom and I are way too alike for us to be anything but dangerous together... hee hee...

Christmas

Waking up sleepyheads because they're too young to wake up early on Christmas.

A three year old shouting 'WOW! Santa DID come!"

Play kitchens come with sushi now...

Brunch at Grandma's with crepes and quiche, pan dulce, and pumpkin yummy...

Cousins in pretty dresses...

Ratatouille and train sets...

Visit from grandparents...

Ham for dinner, cuddles with Grandma on a massaging blanket...

Falling into a deep sleep on the way home...

The realization that Santa didn't take everything back...

Toys, Food... fun galore.

Realizing your sweetheart really knows you well...

Generosity to life changing proportions...

Lollipop in one hand... marshmallow rope in the other...

Two tiny Boys singing the Nutcracker in the shower...

Merry Christmas to all! I hope your Holiday was as wonderful as ours!

May your joy expand exponentially through out the year... And may we all impact the lives around us as ours have been impacted-- pass on the love, man!

THANK YOU! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Can't Wait For Christmas...

Yesterday...

...Drew kissed a stocking and pulled the ceramic piece holding it down on his head. Blood gushed. He cried, but more about me looking at it than anything.

Today...

...Drew disappeared (apparently) with my scissors and appeared with a slice in his finger. More blood. More tears. Put his hands over my eyes so I wouldn't look.

Hopefully Christmas will remedy these bad Mommy moments.

Think I'll be getting coal from Santa.

What Weaving Teaches us about Creation

It doesn't take much of a stretch to compare the fiber arts to creation-- after all, it is taking a base form and creating something complex and beautiful out of it with little more than your two hands. I also feel that it touches a spiritual place inside of use when we take natural fibers and create with them-- when spinning you touch and twist the fibers and they pass through your fingers-- you get to know each material intimately-- to understand what makes them work, to understand what their made out of, their texture, their build up, and what they might become through your hands. It makes me feel connected to nature-- closer to a truer appreciation of creation-- what exists. Admiring from a distance is one thing, but, as in gardening, digging one's hands deep into creation changes perspective.

And so, fiber becomes thread, becomes warp, becomes cloth, becomes clothes, becomes warmth... as the dust of the universe became you and me.

Beautiful, isn't it?

Sunny

My Sunny-baby just was playing ball with his brother. He snatched the ball and shouted 'MY BALL.'

Gotta love it when they learn how to talk!

Too Fun!

I'm having a great day-- mostly because I'm going outside of myself and trying to be outgoing and its given me a crazy amount of energy...

But, all in all, this week has been amazing, because I have been talking to my mom all week about weaving and she's picking it up-- it's so wonderful to be able to talk about fibers and colors and the warp and weft possibilities... and be so excited about things we can create together. It has made me so incredibly happy and I LOVE every minute of it.

It helps, also, that today my sister is moving back into town and I can't wait to be able to be parts of each others lives... I hope that will happen!

My mom is getting a four harness loom, with another four harness extension, which makes the possibilities limitless for what she/we can create-- we're talking tweed, herringbone... overshot...

It's all so very thrilling! Yay!

Wow

I came across this, just sort of my accident...

Some beautiful twist of fate...

Isn't it gorgeous?

Fear

On days like today, when my joints really hurt to the point where I see myself contorting my hands in response, I get very frightened. So much of who I am is based on my ability to use my hands-- painting, drawing, weaving, writing, knitting, crocheting, sewing, quilting, cooking, playing my violin... I need my hands to do these things. Being honest with myself and others, the prospect of being crippled by joint pain makes me pray that my time on this earth will be over before such a horrendous thing should occur. Without my hands I am not me.

What of my dreams for the future? How could I care for my children? What about my hopes of owning a stud farm and start competing in dressage. How can I do that if I can't close my fingers?



And I feel that, at 26, I should not be worrying about this sort of thing, but I have had joint pain since I was 17 years old and every year it gets worse.

I am trying to see how this kind of experience might make me stronger, but I can't see it yet. I'll just have to keep looking.

In the meantime, there's no chance this side of heaven that I'm going to let this pain limit me. I'll just set my teeth and keep doing my crafts and not let it get to me.

And I'll not think about it. If I don't think, I can't be afraid.

If chocolate isn't enough...

As if chocolate chip cookies weren't bad enough for us... I had the strange idea to break up pretzels and throw those in, too... we'll see how they turn out. They are in the oven as I type this.

I made my second etsy sale the other day-- a horse pendant I made out of polyclay.

It's gratifying to have my things sell, but then I want to spend all my time making things so I can have another sale, and I don't always have time for that... or the joint fortitude, which is the real problem these days.

Strep is gone by now, but I'm working on getting over a post-strep cold.

I'm getting very excited about Christmas-- we're really doing things big for the boys-- probably bigger than we should, but they're both at the ages where they appreciate things like this. We were wrapping things for Daddy today, and both boys were helping-- there's nothing better!

Sick, Again...

I can't explain how FUN it is to go visit family and have my joints start aching badly that very night... only to get worse the next day and then... the next morning have a sore throat and have the realization.

(JAWS music)

It's strep.

I probably took it with me, too... and I'm still recovering, even though that was Thanksgiving weekend. I ended up in Urgent Care close to having to go to the ER because my whole body was a mess. I'm on Penicillin....

But my boys are cute...

How cute is this?

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=8000018

I wish I had invented that!

For Sale

One used Mama.
Son wants a new, nicer, one.
Has volunteered to help Daddy find a better one.
He says he misses me, but wants me to 'sell you on the computer.'

Free to good home.

Our week in as few words as possible

Fri--boys' vaccines. 103.5 fevers
Sat-- Fevers, car break down
Sun-- Fevers
Monday-- robbed, Evan testicular torsion, ER
Tues-- Urgent Care Evan phlebitis
Weds-- Evan Ultrasound
Thurs-- Evan Urologist

Me-- losing it

I need a workout Buddy

I've been looking at a ton of workout possibilities here, and I know where I would go and everything, but the truth is that I won't go by myself. Evan is too busy with school and everything to add one more thing and the Zoloft I'm taking is causing huge weight fluctuations-- which means that I am suddenly gaining huge amounts of weight, which makes me really feel bad about myself. I'm careful about how I eat-- I keep my min. calories above 1200...

Well, Martie, why don't you move here and we can be BFFs? Gym rats together, kids playing together.

I'll give you my HOUSE!

Wah.

How cool is this?

Three year old Drew on my brand new loom.

Flips Heddles.












He throws the shuttle.













Pulls the excess out of the yarn.










And beats it.

He made two inches of cloth by himself.

Fav. site

http://www.localharvest.org

No good local farmer's market? Try your online farmers market-- must see what they have!

Sing With Me

I love my Baby Baby
He makes me crazy crazy
I Love my baby baby boy
Boop boop!
I love my baby baby
I love you baby baby!
I love my baby baby Boy!
Boop Boop!

Pumpkin and Snow

Two little bunnies sleeping in a playpen in our family room.

We love you, bunnies!

What the...?

I didn't eat anything funny.

I haven't been stressing out.

I was sitting here and nursing my baby when that familiar aura has started taking over my eyes.

Three minutes later my head is starting pounding and that horrible pressure.

DANGIT! How can I be getting a migraine?

Item for the day...

The quarter is there to show size :). A polyclay horse pendant I made the other day. I just barely figured out the Macro on my camera, so this is the first shot I have!

Blech

I'm cleaning today-- I'm really trying to get things put together. The problem is, that trying to clean with these crazy boys-- one creating messes faster than I'm cleaning and the other insisting on being held-- is really stressing me out.

So far today I've--
1)Cleaned my bedroom/bathroom
2)done two loads of laundry
3)de-cluttered, cleaned and vacuumed the Living room
4)de-cluttered, cleaned, and vacuumed the Family Room
5)Taken out the trash
6)Cleaned the bunny cage
7) Started cleaning the kitchen-- and the counters
8)Cleaned Kevin's room

It may not sound like very much, but, believe me, it's nothing short of miraculous the way these boys make this house messy! And it's not just the boys, to be honest. I'm not the greatest at keeping things together, and help from the Evan department isn't going to be happening during the week for the next two years.

Despite feeling completely stressed out, I'm proud of myself. I'm also very overwhelmed by realizing how much more there is actually to get done. Deep breath. Deep breath.

Deep. Breath.

Yeah, cleaning gives me panic attacks.

Well, then, better dig out my paper bag and get back to work!

Oh, while I'm on it-- what are you doing today to keep things GREEN?

Last Night's Painting

Let's celebrate our Earth and our own womanly existence! We are all inter-connected-- Our world, our families, ourselves...

Finished this Yesterday

BFF-- Breast Feeding Forever

I love nursing my toddler. He's almost fifteen months old now, and nursing definitely takes on a different personality with a baby this age. He's more active. He also is verbal enough to ask me to nurse when he wants to, and to tell me when he doesn't want to, which is really nice.

.
With Drew I quit breastfeeding when he was 22 months old, because Sunny was due in two months and tandem nursing really intimidated me. If I could go back I probably wouldn't have weaned Drew at that time. He really needed that special connection, though I've never denied him since when he wants to try.

There's been some speculation that my last pregnancy was so rough because I was nursing while I was pregnant, but that's a hard thing to measure. There's also been speculation that it was my depression acting up and then there's the theory that I'm actually reacting to my babies. (That last one has actually been proven untrue, as I had about a million blood tests and I was NOT attacking them.) Speculation, however, is just that: speculation. I may just have really rough pregnancies. I think the end result: these beautiful boys, is well worth ever minute. I totally buy into that theory that the rougher the pregnancy the cuter the baby. Mine are CUTE.

I'm in no rush to wean Sunny. I have no reasons too-- with Evan in graduate school we have decided to wait until he graduates until we try for another one, so, unless I'm still nursing Sunny when he's three, then we should be just fine. I have a sneaky suspicion that he will self-wean before then. He has days that he's just too busy to nurse much.

AS I said at the beginning, I love nursing. I love the quiet time and the connection and the feeling that, even though I'm not the greatest at being a mom, I'm really good at providing for them in this really essential part of their development.

OK, better go-- Sunny is trying to type and that gets a little tricky.

Current Hobbies/Projects...

1) Watercolor Painting (on etsy)
2) Spinning Alpaca Roving with a drop spindle
3) Garden
4) Tapestry weaving
5) Fabric weaving
6) Sculpting with polyclay
7) Baking
8) Writing

Goals:
1) Sales on Etsy (a first sale, then consitent sales)
2) Stoneware in the future, when etsy sales permit
3) Publication of my finished works

My Fourth Anniversary!

Evan and I just celebrated our fourth year of marriage with a whole day of busy fun. Evan is in grad school, so we haven't been seeing much of each other-- well, he's here, but studying, so it feels like he's not.

So, having a whole day together was magical-- the whole day had that feeling of glamorie-- even when things went wrong it was a-ok. (Yes, I realize I just Anglicized a French word!)

We got everyone ready first thing and headed to Grandma's house where we picked up her truck and dropped off Sunny (his choice). We then drove forty some minutes to the very far opposite side of town to pick up our new rabbit hutch. The hutch wouldn't fit in the back with the camper on, so I had the idea that we could take the camper off and flip it over so we could get everything home-- it actually worked, though it took a lot of work on Evan's part.

On the way back home we picked up our rabbits from the breeder who was at a hotel for a rabbit show. We have two male Holland Lops-- very cute! We're planning to get them fixed soon. (Once I earn enough from my etsy shop).

We dropped the bunnies etc off at home and went back over to Grandma's house to play and nurse Sunny until about 1 pm, when the boys packed into the car with the grandparents to spend the day at the State Fair about two hours away.

Evan and I did our food shopping, to the post office twice (sold my saddle!) and then... e took me to the mall to get me a new dress and shoes! It was awesome-- I haven't had a new dress in about five or more years... and my church shoes I've been wearing for about nine years, so it was about time! Evan actually got me another pair of shoes too, which means I actually have four pairs of shoes or so now! Lol!

On the way home to get ready for our reservations the car suddenly stopped working. We pulled off the road and turned it off-- suddenly realizing we had sent Evan's car keys off with the boys accidentally. We tried the car again and were able to make it home. We decided to get ready and leave early to try to make it to our reservations. We made it and wandered around to kill time before going to Melting Pot-- our special anniversary fondue place.

It was perfect! Evan had even had them put roses on the table for me. We were there for two hours, eating and talking... it was so fun!

The boys came home at about ten, and went straight to bed-- though Sunny nursed all night! Fine with me! All in all, it was a great day-- and we've been having a lot of fun with our new bunnies.