Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Midnight Thoughts...

I'm preparing myself mentally for Keith to be gone. If he gets the job he really wants, then he'll be gone for training for one whole month.

This morning I was in bed, thinking about everything Keith does and how I'll have to pick up the slack when he's gone, so that everything can flow properly. He does a LOT, but I kept thinking, it's going to be hard, but I can manage. It will be OK.

Until I realized that,when I wake up in the middle of the night (I always do), that he won't be curled up in his blanket on his side of the bed.

My eyes welled up and my throat started to burn. Of all the things he does and is, having him there at night, making me feel safe and not alone, that is what I'm going to miss the most.

I know I can do this-- I won't hold him back from what he wants.


Martie said...

Those are some hard feelings to have, sis. And the selflessness is what marriage is made of, so I'm proud of you.

Is this the military what you're talking about? Is it pretty likely?

I love you!

Eloise said...

It's actually not the military-- it's training for a job at the federal prison. The whole idea is really overwhelming for me. If I'm honest, I DON'T want him to go, but if he needs to, I will support him and I will find a way to manage. It's times like this that I beat against the bars of my anxiety. How can I take care of my boys when I can't even drive to the store OR go shopping without freaking out? But I have to do this, and it will make me stronger.